


200 Unsaid Words

by TGPretender (TGP)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Crush, Death, Dominant!Lupin, Drabble Collection, Food Porn, M/M, Mentions of alcoholism, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Scars, Sexual Content, Tobias is a dick, Unrequited Love, Voyeurism, mentions of domestic abuse, unrelated drabbles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-01-22
Updated: 2011-01-22
Packaged: 2017-10-14 23:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TGP/pseuds/TGPretender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of unrelated RL/SS drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remember

Sometimes, late at night, Snape remembers.

He remembers being a boy and hating to spend time at home. He remembers having a safe place to run to when his father drank. He remembers staying there most of the time.

He doesn't like remembering when his safe place became a safe person. When he made the mistake of trusting someone.

He remembers firm hugs and the feel of thick fingers brushing over his back and through his hair. He remembers fumbling and wanting and feeling so good he could barely stand it. He remembers harsh breathing and whispered promises and the scent of chocolate. Golden eyes and a lopsided smile.

And then he remembers dank cold and growling. He remembers teeth and claws and pain. He remembers shame.

He doesn't like remembering how terrified he still is. He doesn't like remembering how that one moment has shaped him so utterly. How he lost his safe person. How he's never had one since and never will again. He doesn't like remembering how nearly dying just set his life into the same repetition of pain and fear he'd always felt.

He wonders idly if Lupin will ever forgive him for letting it happen.


	2. Passing

Severus was bleeding all over the floor. He stared up at Lily's eyes. He would soon die.

Nothing as cliché as his life passing before his eyes happened, but it seemed proper that Lily's son was there to watch him die with her eyes. It seemed like she'd been the beginning of everything, really. Without her, he doubted he'd have bothered living past puberty. A beacon of what could be, what _had_ been, what never was.

There wasn't much time. He'd done his duty, carried out Dumbledore's will, and now he was going to die. He thought vaguely about railing against that fate, but what was the point _now?_ No time. So he gave Lily's son his memories. Not quite in the plan, all of them, but somehow, it seemed fitting anyway.

There was one memory he didn't pass along. The night of her death. The day after when Sirius Black went insane. The night he found solace in the arms of a werewolf. The one night that, despite his pain and misery and grief, that he felt understood and cared for. He kept that for himself, close to his heart.

Severus thought he might be selfish as he died.


	3. Scars

There was a scar on Lupin's cheek that drew Severus' attention every time. It pricked the edge of Lupin's lip and disfigured it just slightly before dragging down his chin with a slight curve and disappearing into nothing. Severus traced it with his eyes and pretended not to notice the way Lupin shivered.

There was a scar on Lupin's hand that drew him more than that on his face. It crossed over from the knuckle of his middle finger across the back of his hand to the base of his thumb. A simple, straight line of grayed peach. Severus traced it with his fingertip and pretended not to notice the way Lupin drew in a soft, slow breath.

There was a scar on Lupin's hip that kept his gaze every time it was revealed. It slid from the edge of his abs and across the line of his hip before it abruptly jerked and crossed diagonally to his inner thigh almost like a marked path Severus traced it with his tongue and pretended not to notice the way Lupin groaned.

He also pretended not to notice when Lupin cursed him for being a tease and took his own sweet time.


	4. Spinner's End

The rain pounded outside. He could hear fat droplets ricocheting off his window and the roof over their heads. The roof was thin. He heard dripping here and there cold permeated the thin walls easily. Not that he felt much cold.

“ _Ah_... yes, _there_...”

The house wasn't particularly comforting. His father had lived here and his grandfather. A great uncle before that. He could easily pinpoint dents in the plaster and discolorations where he'd been thrown or bled. One of the window sills in the dining room was still cracked where his mother had fallen against it during one of his father's drunken rages.

“Oh Merlin, _yes_...Harder, _please_...”

The street was dingy and broken as the house. Factory district, always smelling of smoke and covered in a thin layer of soot. The houses, the street, the people. There was little difference between them all. The soot permeated their very souls. Blackness came from this street.

“Nnn... I'm so _close_...”

He watched Remus writhe and grip the sheets, tasted his skin under his tongue. Severus was probably rather bent to be thinking about that as he slid swiftly in and out of Remus' pliant body. He smiled anyway.


	5. Held

When Severus was very young, his mother often held him in her arms and whispered stories in his ears as they huddled together inside the bathroom and tried not to hear fists slamming into the bathroom door. Her arms never felt safe but they were warm and her swift heartbeat was comforting. He’d loved the scent of rosemary and mint against her throat and her soft fingers sliding through his thick hair. He’d loved the way she clutched him to her, as if he were special. Precious. _Loved._ Even if they weren’t safe even for a second.

When Severus was older, he often held himself tightly within his own arms and whispered stories to himself as he huddled alone in his bedroom and tried not to feel the shame of wanting someone to soothe him again. He hated how much he needed, how much the silence ate away at his soul. He hated the way his dreams tried to tempt him into reaching out and taking the comfort in Remus’s eyes. He hated the way he ended up doing so and how Remus held him and he felt special. Precious. _Loved_. Even if they weren’t safe even for a second.


	6. Opinion

Severus once thought very little about sex.

- _hands on his hips and he cried out as hot wetness slid over his cock. He tightened his hands in thick hair, thrusting into the perfect suction of Remus’ mouth and felt those fingers tighten with bruising force at his hips_ -

It seemed messy and unfulfilling and rather brutal, to be perfectly honest.

- _slid two slicked fingers past the tight ring of muscle, too slow to stand, so he hooked a hand around Remus’ and shoved hard with a groan as Remus panted into his throat and finally did what he wanted_ -

A bit overrated as well. Sensationalized in the worst ways.

- _tongue slid along Remus’ cock lovingly as fingers rammed into him with dizzying force and precision. He drank Remus’ groans and worked his hips harder as he tasted bitter liquid and couldn’t help wanting much more_ -

He didn’t really look forward to ever participating, either.

- _fingers tightened in his hair, jerking his head back as Remus’ mouth feasted on his throat. He begged and cried out and jerked against the rock hard flesh digging so perfectly deep into his willing body_ -

Severus will never admit to having since changed his opinion.


	7. His Mouth

Remus knew he shouldn't but he loved watching Severus Snape's mouth. It wasn't particularly nice nor did he have the full lips of the girls Siri was always going on about, but there was something utterly attractive about it anyway. Remus often watched Snape talk to his Slytherin friends just to see those lips part and curl over sounds like a caress.

Sometimes, Remus watched Snape eat. It was silly, really, but he drew in breath as the fork entered Snape's mouth and those lips closed over it, drawing back slowly to leave nothing behind on the metal. Sometimes, Snape would bite his bottom lip and when he released, it was red as a cherry. It made Remus shiver and it made him _hard_.

He hated feeling that way, but it had become so normal in the last year. Jamie and Siri spent so much time fighting with Snape while Remus watched and watched Snape's mouth slide over wicked curses and insults.

And then Snape's mouth did something much different. Remus remembered every second of it. He remembered how Snape's mouth parted to take in faint, shuddery breaths, whimpers. How it widened but no scream came free.

Remus stopped looking.


	8. Watching

He shouldn't have done it. As soon as he realized what was happening, he should have left. But he stood in rapt attention, staring past the edge of the doorway to the top of the astronomy tower, eyes wide and catching every detail.

He watched as Snape's hand tightened along the stone near one wide window and his face flushed. He watched Snape draw one thin lip between his teeth, breathing raggedly around it. He suddenly wanted to do that himself. Instead, he watched Snape's fingers move over his swollen prick, how he stroked with perfect precision that made his watcher shudder. Snape's movements were smooth and his thumb teased over the slit head to draw more silent shivers. Then he watched as Snape's lips parted and he sagged against the wall, squeezing to draw one last stroke before white spread over his fingers. He desperately wanted to lick that from Snape's skin.

He left before Snape could notice him. Hard, hot, shamed. Confused. He knew it was wrong as he curled on his bed and drew his cock into hand. Never again, Remus told himself, and that made it almost all right when he came hearing Snape's ragged breath.


	9. Eyes

Severus did not look many in the eye. It was a habit he’d picked up in childhood and had suited him well through the years. It made him seem submissive and dominated, servant and slave, and that was precisely what the Dark Lord wanted.

Eyes were intimate. For a man who spent little time in the presence of others and touched even less, there was nothing more intimate than holding a steady gaze. Legilimency didn’t even enter into it. In some ways, Severus feared eyes. He always held the fear that someday those he held dear – precious few as there were – would realize exactly who he was behind it all.

It didn’t stop him from having one person he might have made himself vulnerable for. He stubbornly blamed it on the particularly attractive shade of gold and the interesting flecks of green within them, but deep down he knew exactly why and that scared him even more.

He didn’t think Remus ever realized the importance Severus put into something as small as locking eyes, something for which Severus was eternally grateful. It stayed that way until he died and it wasn’t even hazel eyes he looked into in the end.


	10. 10 Facts About Severus Snape

1\. Severus appreciates silence more than breathing. This includes a lack mariachi bands, screaming children, and anything approaching ‘atmosphere’, Lupin.

2\. Is allergic to roses. Hives are not conducive to romance.

3\. Will never admit that he does like the attention nor will he welcome it openly. But don’t stop trying. Severus would rather die than let anyone know how lonely he is.

4\. Has had some bad experiences before but do not ask about it. Severus hates remembering that he can and has been weak. He hates remembering how pain can allow for even more pain.

5\. Does not care for silk or satin sheets. They slide and slink and are absolutely unsuited for rough sex. Not that he wants to have rough sex. But flannel is a better choice.

6\. Is far less agreeable after orgasm. He likes to curl up and sleep after, so kindly stop trying to convince him to do something after or during. Severus does not want to go to the party and that is final, Lupin.

7\. Has far more scars than he wants to show off. He doesn’t hate them, but instead feels intensely possessive of the marks. Severus keeps the lights off when he dresses. Or undresses, for that matter.

8\. Did not cry the first time Remus makes love to him instead of rutting him like all the rest. He did not cry damnit.

9\. Might have let Remus hold him after though.

10\. Will never, ever, even on pain of death, admit just how much he appreciated that.


	11. Liking Boys

The first boy Severus liked was Lucius Malfoy. Severus was twelve and Lucius graduated the next year, but he liked to have thought the pretty blond might think of him fondly later on. A little. Maybe once a year. He didn’t even fault Narcissa Black for marrying him soon after that.

The second boy Severus liked was Evan Rosier. Severus was fourteen and Rosier was nice to him, even if it was just so that Severus would help him with his Potions essays. He ended up finding Rosier in a torrid affair with Wilkes and knew he didn’t stack up. So he gave them his blessing and mended his wounded heart.

The last boy Severus liked was Remus Lupin. Severus was fifteen and though he was rather sure Remus was fucking Sirius Black, he still held out hope. After all, Sirius Black was fucking most of their year and a few upperclassmen as well so it couldn’t be exclusive. And he thought, maybe, that Remus might like him back when the other boys weren’t there to tell him not to. Then sixth year rolled around, Remus was a werewolf, and Severus thought it might be time to stop liking boys.


	12. I Love You

“I love you,” Remus says as they lay sated and warm in the afternoon sun. Soft grass caresses their skin and a few poppies are trampled and bent with offense. Severus rests his head on Remus’ shoulder without caring about them. He’s never done it outside before and he’s never felt so comfortably exposed. He is glad for the high, vine covered fence, however.

“I’ll make dinner,” Severus says because it’s his turn after Remus’ lunch and because he can’t say ‘I love you’ back. He wants to. He’s afraid.

Severus likes to think Remus hears ‘I love you’ anyway.


	13. Lemons

Remus ate lemons as if he were having sex. First, he cut them into sixths with more care than he ever showed in potions class. Then he laved his perfect, pink tongue along the fruit, tasting delicately sour juices that slipped down his fingers, only to be caught up as that nimble tongue brushed over his skin. He sucked the fruit into his mouth and his cheeks hollowed as his eyes fell closed in blissful abandon. After, he left the husk and picked up another piece.

Severus excused himself and spent the remainder of dinner wanking in the boy’s room.


	14. Don't Look

"Don’t look at me.”

He could feel it, Lupin’s eyes tracing over the scars on his back, burning them into his memory. He could feel the weight of his gaze almost as easily as the fingers gripping his hips as Lupin drove deeply into his body.

For a moment, he saw stars and the breath was wrenched from his throat. He shuddered and barely recovered before Lupin did it again. And again.

“Don’t look at me-” Lupin’s teeth sunk into the meat of his shoulder before his hot, wet tongue soothed away the pain.

“I’ll never look away, Severus. Never.”


End file.
